After a sudden and frightening loss of blood at home one Monday night, I went to hospital and was kept in. There was no more bleeding.

Finding out that I was going to be a dad for the first time was the biggest moment in my life.

I am already a mother of 3 beautiful boys however in 2017 I found out I was pregnant and was absolutely ecstatic to be having another baby.

My pregnancy was pretty straight forward. I felt my baby kick, move and hiccup... the best feelings in the world.

On Sunday 17th June 2012, after a few days of pains and at 32 weeks pregnant I called the hospital as I had some discharge I had noticed.

On the 20th December 2018 I went for my 20 week scan happy to see my princess again after many miscarriages.

I already had a daughter so when I found out I was pregnant with my second child I could not have been happier our family was to be complete.

I became pregnant with my first born on Boxing Day 2016.

On the 5th of September 2018 we was told that are baby had alobar holoprosencephaly and would have no chance of survival if born full term so we had to have baby put to sleep at 25 week

Rachel was our third child. Our first was born at 34 weeks by emergency C-Section because of foetal distressed caused by APH and he spent the first 3 weeks of his life in NICU.

The day I found out I was pregnant is always going to be one to be remembered. It was 19th February and my mum had been over for the weekend.

The loss of both my babies happened over 30 years ago and the reason I want to share this now, is that I didn't receive any bereavement care/counselling at all, and sometimes wonder how

In May 2018 my husband and I discovered we were expecting our second child. We were both over the moon about having another baby!

The world may never notice

if a snowdrop doesn't bloom,

or even pause to wonder

if the petals will fall too soon.

Benjamin,



I wanted you so much more than anyone ever really knew, I still do.