On 4th June 2005, our first child, a much wanted son Owen, was born silently into our lives. His tiny heart had stopped beating some 36 hours previously. We were 41 weeks pregnant. 

Nothing can prepare you for the shock of losing a baby, great expectation turned to despair and an all-consuming grief within such a short period of time. Our hopes for the future were intrinsically bound to this little boy, he was the realisation of all our dreams and we simply couldn’t imagine our lives without him. Family life doesn’t begin at birth, for us it began nine months previously. Two became three from the moment we realised we were pregnant, and the gap Owen left when he was gone so suddenly was colossal.

 

Readjusting to life alone has been incredibly hard. To all intents and purposes we are parents. We feel the love no less than parents who have brought their baby home, and yet we don’t have our bundle of joy to cradle and care for. In the early days we felt so very alone, people just don’t lose babies like this, but we quickly realised how wrong we were. We now appreciate that not every pregnancy ends happily, and that sometimes, despite taking every reasonable precaution, babies just don’t make it home. 

 

Sadly, stillbirth is a much more regular occurrence than we could ever have imagined. Thankfully, we have had fantastic support from family, friends and of course Sands. We have talked, we have read books, we have analysed and absorbed statistics, and our loss now has a sense of perspective. 

 

Owen was cherished throughout our pregnancy, and he is missed acutely. But, eight months on the mist is gradually lifting. We have accepted our loss, and come to terms with our future. Owen has taken his rightful place within our family, a precious son, grandchild and nephew who will always be loved and absolutely, never forgotten.

 

Petra

From Mummy, with Love

Things should have been so different.

This wasn’t meant to be.

You’re my longed for, cherished baby Son,

and you should be here with me.

 

You were all I’d ever wanted.

You made the world make sense.

But now you’re gone, and for losing you,

there is no recompense.

 

I’ll always be your Mummy.

You’ll always be my Son.

But I’m only left to wonder on,

the things we would have done.

 

I wanted to raise and care for you,

do things to make you proud.

I’ll live my life in honour of you, 

My baby, that I’ve vowed.

 

Our pregnancy was wonderful,

right up until the end.

I know I’ve lost my heart to you,

and it will never, truly mend.

 

Your little heart stopped beating.

Your smile, I’ll never know. 

Because we were forced to say goodbye,

before we’d even said hello.

 

When you were born so silently,

I longed to hear you cry,

To see your eyes, to wake you up.

You weren’t supposed to die.

 

Death, it sounds so final,

and your death filled me with fear.

I couldn’t bear to have to

live my life without you near.

 

But finally I’ve realised,

that we’ll never be apart.

You took a piece of me with you,

and left your footprints on my heart.

 

In loving memory of Owen, born sleeping 4th June 2005