Some might say we lost our son the other night

I would say “we didn’t lose him, we just lost this fight”

Some might say they don’t know what to say

I would say “I know, I’m sorry, (it’s not really, but,) it’s OK”



We called you our Gladiator, you were so brave

It was such a big battle; you were such a small boy to save

I called you my Sunshine, sang you that Sunshine Song

The first days of hope I didn’t know how much was wrong



“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine”

Over and around your incubator, I sang

“You make me happy, when skies are grey”

I choked through my throat, though my heart rang

“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you”

I whispered, though I hoped and I cried

“Please don’t take my sunshine away...”

...It’s no use Gryffyn, I wish you hadn’t died



We've been living quietly for the last few days.

Blinking our way through a vacant gaze

Not coming to terms with what happened to our family

Just processing and thinking; trying not to say “why me?”



We're grateful for some signs of normality

Like shopping and bills, making dinner and TV

But then suddenly from somewhere, we remember what’s past

With it comes the aching, a pain that makes me gasp



Then we sit and we cling, our bodies betray our fear

That somehow, one of us, might suddenly disappear

And what should have been three, was two, would be one

Watch the sun turn to cloud, and no silver lining to come



And we stand in semi stupors in front of our Gryffyn - gone

Feeling how hard this curve ball has hit us side on

Gryffyn, my son, born too soon and too small

With a rare heart condition, you had no chance at all



They tried everything, my handsome; you should have seen the drive

Of the doctors who tried to save you, to keep you alive

They did everything; my sunshine; you could almost touch the love

Of those who supported us; let us know we were thought of



We are so, so, sad, Gryffyn, our beautiful, baby boy

But I hope this is not the last time we’ll ever feel joy.

I’m angry at Chance, for the life you will not live

But I’m grateful for the days you got, and so I forgive



We are sad but not sorry; forgive my verbosity

Whilst I thank every person, for their generosity

We love you and miss you, Gryffyn, but I smile as I write

Because I know we didn't lose 'you' - we just lost that fight.

Carolyn De Vishlin